Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
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