i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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