first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
