despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
