Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
