watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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