we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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