Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
