Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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