Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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