i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
birth control should be required to get into college
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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