Sponge bath it is.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
