Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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