I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
