I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
