Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
