He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
