shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
