If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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