im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
