Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
