I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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