she looked like the bat from fern gully.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
