You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
