am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
