meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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