dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
