Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
