Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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