Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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