I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
honey bunches of taint.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
