No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
