I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
