Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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