No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
