Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
