Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
