thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
