i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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