East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
is it fun? or sober?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
