I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
