the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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