i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
