Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
