im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
