Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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