it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im just a social blackout drinker.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
