Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
