im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
