Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
