The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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