ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
