Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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