dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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