Cold hands, warm shart.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
