I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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