You're completely useless in the revolution.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you inspire me to be a worse person
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
