hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
