i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
